Its hard. This. This living and figuring out these strange ambiguous connections i have with people. That one has a girlfriend and is fucking teasing me.(sidenote: he answered the fucking door in his boxer briefs, when I was a half an hour late, he fucking passed notes to me all througout class, I want to at least be his friend. at least. I think he's confusing me on purpose because i ignored him in class all those times. I have no idea actually. Hes a goddamn asshole if he was fucking flirting with me, showing up at my house with a box of wine,and has a girlfriend. You have already tasted men like that, you are hopelessly attracted to assholes) That one had a girlfriend but is emotionally crazy. That one is in love with me but too depressed to be loved. That one i could have fallen for but he didnt want me, or he saw life and affection as useless things relative to knowledge and nicotine.
I suppose this is my life AGAIN telling me to not have a relationship. Perhaps I should listen. Im have so much to learn asn experience ahead of me. I sm still jumping into things. Im sorry. I dont know where it went but I lost the motivation to do well in school. I think it was because of emotional trauma. Or perhaps this medication. It is easy to blame it upon other things besides laziness. beautiful laziness.